The state of confusion

I am not trying to show how hardworking and diligent I am. In fact, I am probably trying to show confusion and disorganisation, or should I say it's disorientation. Nah, certainly not disillusion yet. I shut myself in XF's room (hee, needed a big work space with minimal distractions) this morning, armed with my laptop and a big stack of readings and for once, with no music at all, started working on my assignment (one of the many). One hour into trying to organise and analyse ideas from the various readings read over the past weeks and I realised that I was terribly stuck, really stuck...Hmm, how should I argue that? How should I support that point of view? Do I have evidence for that argument? Have I read enough to synthesize? Have I selected suitable articles? Oh no, I felt like I was given a jigsaw puzzle with a thousand pieces and not knowing where to start. Oh well, frankly speaking, I would probably even get stuck with a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle. I stood up and started walking around the room, munching on my so called healthy snacks - nuts :P Maybe I was going nuts thinking about this essay for the past hour. Well, I knew I gotta start somewhere and I needed to start typing! I finished the last bit of my cashew nut and sat down again, started typing, looked at the relevant readings and started 'punching' ideas into my essay. I desperately needed to see words on that blank document. One paragraph...two paragraphs...three...four...five... After about two and a half hours, I finally had three pages of words, I was only halfway through. I started reading through what's typed...more questions came to my mind. Is there coherence? Do I have a direction in what I have presented so far? Am I moving towards a clear direction? Would someone who has no understanding of the subject matter be able to comprehend what's presented? Am I making sense?... Goodness, I needed more cashew nuts and cranberries :P Stood up again, took a look at the table from a distance and ha, thought it felt like a piece of art - a piece of confusion or maybe the art of confusion :P I took a picture of the 'state of confusion'. What do you think? What could be my next piece of art be?

I was thinking about what one of my lecturers had told us. He said with a broad smile on his face, "To hear that you are struggling with your essay is music to my ears. I am happy to know that because we all have gone through that before." I do not know if I should be amused by it or be comforted by it. Well, but at least I thought there's still encouragement in his remark. Maybe this state of disequilibrium does lead to learning. Hmm, but for the time being, I guess the state of confusion stays, need to work on the 'jigsaw puzzle' again tomorrow, need to move towards seeing the picture to be formed from the puzzle, I hope.