Watched “Departures” today. Shed lotsa tears…tears from so much laughing and also tears from so much crying. I like this movie, maybe more than “Slumdog Millionaire”. Each has its own uniqueness but my vote is cast for “Departures”, maybe coz it’s more relatable to me to a certain extent, content seemed closer to my heart. Death is always deemed as a taboo, some may not even want to talk about it. But there are people who work with the dead, they even get satisfaction from what they are doing and take pride in what they do. Again here, it’s not what you do but how you feel about what you do, I feel that this is part of the essence of this movie. This movie also kinda brought back memories of my loved ones who have passed on these few year.
My first encounter with death was probably when I was a student medical social worker on attachment at SGH during my university days. My supervisor brought us to the ICU coz she needed to check on some stuff. Both my course mate and myself followed our gungho supervisor to the ICU, ha, probably with that tinge of innocence and curiosity in us. It was our first visit to the ICU then. At the entrance…a group of people, most probably family members were all sobbing, a few were squatting on the ground, crying uncontrollably. I was a little taken aback, something bad must have happened. My heart really went out for them then, wish I could do something to comfort them. But my dear supervisor who seemed oblivious to what’s going on, quickly ushered us into the ICU and instructed us to wait at a corner for her. One patient caught our attention…that patient was motionless, two nurses were switching off all the machines around him, at the same time trying to take away and tidy those tubes around him, they were doing their job so calmly and professionally…there was no sign of pain or life on that patient’s face…Both of us stood rooted to the ground. I did not know what to feel, my mind went kinda blank, I just couldn’t hear the noise around me at all. My course mate was also quiet, standing beside me. My supervisor called both of us twice before we responded. She knew then that she needed to have a word or even counselled both of us a little. We had a session after that, talking and sharing about the situation and our feelings. Learning points: empathy and detachment in our profession. I must say that our supervisor was really a tough lady, kinda strict also but she has indeed taught us and made us realise many things in this learning journey.
While working in a hospital, I remember it as a place filled with different kinds of emotions…At the oncology unit, patients were fighting for their lives, there was optimism and hope but there was also despair at some points, family support and their love are indeed vital. I can still remember that old uncle with throat cancer, must thank that helpful Dr Chan for being so cooperative and allowing me to understand that uncle’s medical situation in simple layman terms. That has certainly helped in the counselling process and in persuading that old uncle to go ahead with the operation and even helping him to recover well after the op, even though he was not able to speak anymore but needed a voice aid. The best part was seeing the relationship between his sister and himself improved after this whole thing, this old uncle lived alone. …At the burns unit, one could literally feel the pain that the burnt patients were going through, handling the case of a hearing impaired and mute old lady who was burnt on her leg could be really an uphill task, communication was a great barrier. I guess there was always silence in our ‘conversation’. Glad that she recovered well and was eventually home. She was doing fine when I did a home visit. She was living alone but she had very helpful neighbours. …At the O & G unit, every time I entered that unit, I would hear cries of babies, I saw many happy fathers and mothers, joy was written all over their faces. I remember having to counsel single mothers and I remember one of them had a baby whose hair was pretty long, black and real soft….Interestingly, while there were people trying to fight hard to live a few more years or months, there were also people who were trying ways to end their lives. What has really happened to the value of life? I guess every patient has a story to tell…I should say I have learnt a lot from this attachment, things that I probably will not be able to find in books, things that I will never ever forget for the rest of my life, guess it has created an impact in my heart and life.
Visits to hospitals became more frequent as my auntie, my granny and my grandpa became very sick over the last three years. With the passing on of the three of them, it seemed to have made me realize many things about death, at times, many thoughts were running through my mind…Do we ever come to terms with the death of our loved ones? Personally, I don’t really think so, sometimes that pain would still linger, would then think about how were the days like before they passed on and those times spent together. At times, both the memories we had and the pain of seeing them going through their sickness would still bring tears to my eyes. Frankly speaking, I am kinda fearful to go through that kinda pain again. Life can be so vulnerable and so unpredictable…Death is certain for every one of us and even fearful for some of us but how we live is really largely dependent on us. I guess we must all learn to treasure and cherish every moment that we have while we are alive and kicking, every minute is a gift to us, every morning is a new beginning and all these should never be taken for granted. It’s not about what would happen after death but how we live our lives now that probably matters. I remember Kat once had this suggestion, she suggested that we should write eulogies for each other, ha, I thought that was an interesting idea. We were not really morbid about death when we were talking about it then. I dun really mind reading what my friends would write in their eulogy for me :P …One day, I am sure this life story of mine will come to an end. When that day comes, I hope I have left fond memories for those beautiful people who have loved and cared so much for me all these times :)
